3 Problematic Reasons Behind The Work Wife/Husband Joke

“I love how Bruno Mars has been Cardi B’s work husband!” 

I read this in the YouTube comments when watching Cardi B’s new music video “Please Me” 

What on earth is a work husband? 

The trending term of having a work “spouse” (work husband/wife) is having a colleague or co-worker whom you formed a strong bond with. 

They’re someone who you share

• Inside jokes with 

• Get lunch together

• Gossip about other employees with

• Establish trust with 

While you may think “What’s so problematic about this? Sounds like a regular work friendship!” 

Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. 

Here’s why having a work spouse can be a problem. 

It’s disrespectful to your actual wife/husband

For those who are in committed relationships or married, assigning the word “spouse” to someone other than them is insulting. 

Sometimes you risk prioritizing them over your actual spouse at home. What kind of boundaries are being established? Are you telling them things and doing things with them you wouldn’t want your spouse to know about? 

This doesn’t apply to everyone obviously, but human psychology has been studied for a reason. The more familiar you are with your work “spouse” the more you risk breeding lust or falling in love. 

Putting a label on your relationship with your co-worker says that it means something to you. You don’t call just anyone your work husband or work wife, so this person obviously reserves a special place to earn that title. 

Some people may think it’s not that deep but think about it. 

If they were simply just a friend from work or a co-worker how come they can’t just be that? Why put the word husband or wife next to it? There’s a connection established of some sort. 

This also isn’t meant to be a ‘gotcha moment’ to people who do have these kinds of relationships but I just wish people were more honest about why the label came to be in the first place and with themselves. 

It nurtures emotional connection

Studies show that people who are loved by their partners despite their flaws are happier than those who put their partners on a pedestal. 

This made a lot of sense the more I thought about it. When we put our partners on a pedestal that they didn’t ask to be on we put unnecessary pressure on them to meet these standards we created in our heads. 

Then when they fall short of those standards we get upset with them. Reminding us that they’re humans with their own shortcomings. 

There have been cases where people will unknowingly nurture their work relationships by telling them about their flaws, and mistakes and showing their humanity. The things they should be doing with their partners. 

We form connections when we’re vulnerable with others and trust them enough to show them the not-so-pretty parts of ourselves. By doing this with a work spouse you risk watering that connection into something more. 

You also risk confiding in them as well. Are you telling them about your marital issues? Have they been the first person you run to when the going gets rough? Are there things you told them you haven’t told anyone else? Including your partner? 

According to new research, a quarter of women are more likely to discuss planning events, holiday plans, and relationship issues with their colleagues than their partners. 

This was due to 

• Offering different perspectives

• Being there at the time 

• Needing some friendly advice 

Experts call this the danger zone. Some aren’t even aware of when this is happening. 

Supporting research shows that the more time spent with someone the more likely affection and attraction grows. Going back to my point of human psychology. When you water seeds over a while, they will sprout. 

It seems like common sense and a reason why some people get involved in affairs with their co-workers. 

This goes back to the familiarity we talked about before. This strengthens a connection rather than putting a line in between. 

It will affect your professional life if you guys were to fall out 

Unless you and your partner have kids, if you guys were to ever fall out you never have to see them again. 

Falling out with your work spouse can be awkward when you have to go into the office and work with them again. Of course, you can always quit your job, but it will have an impact professionally when you have to attend meetings with them, work on projects together, discuss team goals, etc. 

Unless either one of you quits or transfers to another team, this is simply the possible reality. 

To add to the awkwardness, if you confided personal information to them you may experience a deep regret from ever doing so. Hence why boundaries are so important to establish especially early on in your friendship. They weren’t kidding when they said to never mix business with pleasure.

Also, work environments are like small towns. There’s always that messy employee who likes to spread a little misinformation without getting all the facts in order. Once word gets out everyone and their moms know about it. 

Work gossip can increase when you guys aren’t buddy-buddy anymore. People can see the difference even if you guys don’t outright say “Yeah, we’re no longer friends. There you happy?” 

It also shows the importance of connecting with other employees who want nothing to do with you unless it relates to work. Not every close work relationship will stand the test of time, so it’s nice having to fall back on other professional relationships when there’s a fallout. 

Conclusion

No matter how many people in today’s culture reassure that work spouses are never romantic, science hasn’t been in their favor. Human Psychology is a thing for a reason and why it’s been studied forever. It affects people no matter if you’re single or not. Whether you have a work spouse, I invite you to ask yourself some hard questions and to just be honest about it. That’s all.